God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
