the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
