They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
