my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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