i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
