Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
