i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
birth control should be required to get into college
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
