i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
