I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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