(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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