Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
