yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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