Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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