Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
