Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
