kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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