Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
