Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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