help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
