Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Acid is not a monday night drug
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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