i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
