how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We talked him into tasing himself.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
