I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
