after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
