her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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