Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
