I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize