You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
