he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
