Soap is not a condiment
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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