weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
