nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
