just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
