do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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