Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
