i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize