I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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