so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
