turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
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my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
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you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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