i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
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Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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