i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
