better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize