If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
