I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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