what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you never un-have a 4some
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
