Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
