i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
