She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
