I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
