There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
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i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
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I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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