did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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