She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
