I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
