last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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