If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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