please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
