Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
