i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
