A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She bit a glass in half.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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