I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My cat gives me a boner
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
