some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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