Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
