Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize