You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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