She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
