i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
