I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
