Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
