I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
