If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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