i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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