Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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