If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
