I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
