jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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