You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
