Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
