i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
