as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
