Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
